The Prego Diaries #2: Week 23

I've been wondering when the next time I sit down to blog will be. Someone recently mentioned to me how she loves crafts to keep busy, and I realized I have let go of what used to be one of my favorite hobbies in favor of useless TV watching. Must change that.
So, dear blog, I'm very obviously pregnant again! And it's a baby boy! I always had a feeling it was another boy, but so many people said it was a girl (almost everyone I know) that I started imagining raising a daughter and it sort of stuck until the gender reveal. I feel like I have to re-arrange my brain a little, but thankfully there's tons of hand-me-downs for little brother!

Hands down the hardest part of this has been finding a name... P and I both had long lists of girl names and a huge blank of boy names. To make it even harder, he wants his name to begin with an E, so that limits things a ton. Hopefully we will get there before his birth, poor little guy.

The Birth of Emmett Beckham

Emmett is 11 days old today and I have finally found some time to sit and write his birthing story. Actually, I didn't "find" time, but it just so happened that he is asleep in his bassinet right next to me, I just woke up from a 2-hour nap, the house is completely silent, and I am clear-headed enough to type. For the first 2 or 3 days after delivery I kept going over the details of Em's birth and wishing very badly that I could have someone to talk about it with and not sound crazy. It sounds like I went through a very traumatic event, but what I really wanted to do was internalize a few facts such as "wow, I really did give birth" and "the thing I was dreading for months is over" and "damn, that was the hardest thing I've ever done" and most importantly "it hurt a lot, it seemed impossible, but I did it anyway and I am proud of it."
I was not very aware of the timeline of events after my induction, and I am quickly forgetting some facts, so to help myself out, I will write the remainder of this post with bullets and hours and see if I can find some clarity. Here goes:

Wednesday November 25th, 2015 - Thursday November 26th, 2015

• 5:30 PM Arrived at the hospital and checked into the ER. Signed a bunch of papers, and then went into the waiting room because my room was not available yet. 
• 6:30 PM Room was ready, changed into those terrible hospital gowns and got strapped down with monitors on my belly. Emmett kept moving a lot, so they kept having to re-adjust the monitors tighter and tighter... it got very uncomfortable. 
• 8:00 PM Started on Cervidil; I still remember the application being more painful than the contractions because I was so swollen. Gosh dang it, that sucked. I was told to sleep as much as possible, but there was too much adrenaline in me, I think. I may have dozed off for about 2 hours during the night, but sleeping was difficult because they kept having to re-adjust those darned monitors and make me switch sides. I started having contractions but didn't feel them until much later. Longest night of my life, I was soooo uncomfortable. 
• 3:00 AM Cervidil came out and had to be re-inserted. It hurt as bad as the first time. Ugh. I think the second time around was done correctly because contractions really kicked up and I really started feeling them.
• 6:00 AM Started on Pitocin. I think I over-react to any drug I've ever taken, and this was not the exception. Just two hours later I had a fever, which caused Emmett's heartbeat to get very high, and I was having tetanic contractions. It's a good thing I didn't know what these were until now, because I would have been freaked out if I did... Tetanic contractions are contractions that come so frequently that they merge into one sustained contraction, which SUCKED because OUCH and because I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was very unaware of what was going on around me, but I remember having at least 3 nurses around my bed trying to fix things. Somewhere in there a nurse rubbed alcohol on my shoulder and informed she was giving me a shot to slow down the contractions. I hardly felt the sting because of the unending contraction and because someone was really tightening the monitors on my belly trying to get Emmett's heartbeat back on. 
• 7:45 AM Finally I was able to breathe and the crazy blur of confusion and pain and nurses slowed down to something I could process. The contractions came, but with breaks in between them. I was also given Tylenol for my fever. 
• 10:00 AM Contractions getting stronger and faster, in danger of becoming one never-ending contraction again. Nurse slowed down the Pitocin and informed me that an epidural was on it's way because it was still crazy painful every time they tried to check my cervix. I asked to use the bathroom before the epidural and felt such relief at finally being allowed to get off that damned bed. Contractions are sooo much more bearable when you're not laying down, I found out. 
• 10:20 AM My nurse talks me through the epidural process and freaks me out because she says it's painful and a really awkward pressure. 
• 10:30 AM Anesthesiologist arrives and starts getting everything ready. I look at anywhere but at whatever he's holding. I'm asked to sit up on the edge of the bed and hold a pillow to my belly. I bark at Philip to stop watching Hulu on his phone and come hold my hands. I feel the cold alcohol swab on my back and tense up waiting for the pain to come, while also breathing through a contraction. Needle #1; a sting slightly less painful than a bee sting. Very bearable compared to contraction pain. 20 second pause. Needle #2; super awkward pressure-pain while I wince and try to break Philip's fingers off. For some reason I imagined the needle was going to go a lot deeper than it did and the pain would be a lot worse. It was over a lot quicker than I thought it would be, and not nearly as bad as I feared. 
• 10:45 AM Everything below my belly button started feeling super warm like I just sat down in a bath, it was heavenly. I just sit in pure amazement at what modern medicine can achieve. After 20 minutes of bliss, I get a catheter inserted (didn't feel nice) and freak out because the nurse announces she has to check my cervix, so I brace for the pain. All hail the epidural gods, because it's finally not painful to have someone's hand go up in there. She announces that I am 4 centimeters dilated, and I am shocked to know that this is actually happening. I sleep for about 2 hours, I think.
• 12:00 PM-ish Dr. Nowitzky comes in and breaks my water, it felt so yucky to be sitting in a pool of water. She also announced that I was 7 centimeters dilated, and I am shocked at the progress. Everyone seems happy that this is moving along quickly. I am starting to feel the pain very strong again, so I ask to push what they call the "pain button" which gives me a quick dose of anesthesia through the epidural.  
• 2:30 PM I seem to be stuck at 9.5 centimeters, so my Pitocin is increased and they make me lay on my side with a sponge pillow thingy between my knees. SO. MUCH. PAIN. The "pain button" thing didn't work, so the anesthesiologist comes back to give me a shot of whatever magical substance he has. It kind of sort of works for a little while. 
• 3:00 PM I finally reach 10 centimeters and I'm ready to start pushing. Nurse informs me that it is not unusual for first time mothers to be pushing for at least an hour before the baby comes, and since I'm having a big baby that might well be the case. I spend the next hour and a half staring at the minute hand on the clock willing it to move faster. 
• 3:30 PM After 30 minutes of hard work, the nurse makes me lay on my side with the pillow between my knees to help Emmett come down a little more. She makes me switch sides every 5 minutes, and everything about this really sucks. It hurts to move and to breathe and to sit and to lay and to exist. Epidural is wearing off a lot. 
• 3:50 PM We start pushing again. I say we because it was like a team effort. My mom holding my left leg, Philip holding my right, and me just whining to both of them about not being able to do this anymore and for some reason talking to my contractions and begging them to stop. They didn't stop. I tried a lot harder during some pushes than others, but after what seemed like an eternity the nurse finally called my doctor and the delivery team into the room. 
• 4:25 PM LONGEST 5 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. It may have been less than five minutes, but I was crowning and felt like I would die if I didn't push right away. The delivery team was getting ready and I was ordered NOT to push until they told me to. The "ring of fire" is a real thing. A very real thing. 
• 4:29 PM A strong contraction came and I was FINALLY allowed to push. It only took about half the effort of a regular push, and I felt Emmett's head come out. 
• 4:30 PM A second push and the rest of him slides out a lot easier than his head, and he is placed on my stomach and my body is shaking so much that I'm scared to hold him. Emmett is crying his lungs out and I am amazed at how strong and big and beautiful he is. Someone hands Philip the scissors and he cuts the umbilical cord. Then I laugh because a nurse says that he looks like he's about to pass out (which he does). What a softie. 
• 4:33 PM They take Emmett to weigh and clean him. More shenanigans going on down there... my nurse presses hard on my abdomen to get the placenta out, and then the Dr. announces I have 4th degree tears and she has to sow me up in two places. I try really really hard not to imagine what it must look like down there, and distract myself by looking at Philip holding our perfect son. The epidural effects are almost all gone, so I do feel pain at getting sown up. 
• 4:45 PM Lots of people are working at cleaning things up, I'm working on not shaking so much, and Emmett is placed on my chest for skin-to-skin contact. My dad, who apparently had no sense of privacy on that particular day, walks into the room to see how I'm doing. I'm given some pain pills, the OK to drink water, and some saltine crackers. My mom takes terrible pictures... not of me holding my baby for the first time, but of me wolfing down crackers while holding my baby for the first time. Don't judge me guys, I was starving.
• 4:55 PM Asked the nurse if I could please, please eat half of a Baby Ruth that had been sitting on the table laughing at my suffering and hunger all day. She warned against it because it might make me nauseated... but I wolfed it down anyway and it didn't. Philip is busy calling a bunch of people with the news, and soon after I eat the candy bar I feel relaxed enough to close my eyes since my mom is holding Emmett. 

I dozed in and out of it for the next hour. I was about 75% aware of Philip's parents and Kaleb coming by and taking pictures, but I was too drowsy to say much more than "don't Facebook this yet." 

Soon, everyone was ushered outside and I was finally left alone with my baby in my arms for about 5 minutes. I looked down at him and we had our first conversation:

Me: Hello baby, I'm so glad to finally meet you.
Him: Hi.
Me: Did you just say hi to me?
Him: Yes.

Twenty hours of labor, and not until then did I give myself a chance to cry with my son before anyone came back in the room. 

The Prego Diaries: Week 30

I feel this EVERY DAY. Seriously.

Oh my gosh, I'm HUGE! And I only have 10 more weeks of being pregnant! These days are passing by very quickly and very slowly at the same time. I want the days to go by quicker because I want my body back: I want to be able to tie my shoelaces, paint my toenails, and get things out of the bottom drawer without feeling like I just completed a session of bikram yoga. But then I want the days to go by slower because I'm panicking about not having our nursery complete yet (it's silly to worry about this, I know) and also I keep having terrifying nightmares about labor.

That last part is not completely unjustified: baby Emmett is going to be a big baby. Just one week ago I went in for a sonogram and his weight was 3 pounds, 6 ounces. I just cannot forget those numbers. Dr. Nowitzky told me that he's supposed to weigh that much at 31 weeks, (not at 29) so he's at least 2 weeks bigger than what the average baby is! She asked how much I weighed at birth (barely cleared 7 pounds) and then chuckled and said "ha ha, no, this is NOT going to be a 7-pound baby".
It seems crazy, but I already feel bigger and this happened just one week ago. I wouldn't be surprised if he's grown at least another half pound in the past 7 days.

Baby Emmett feels ridiculously strong already. He squirms and kicks and punches whenever it's breakfast time, lunch time, dinner time, and occasionally midnight-snack time. I'm pretty much not allowed to feel hungry at any time of the day for fear of getting mauled from the inside.

I think back to my first trimester and just laugh and how disgusted I was by so many kinds of food; these days NOTHING food-related survives in my presence for very long, and much less gives me nausea. I just hope that I can work off this baby weight after Emmett is born, and that I find an effective form of weight loss. Now that I know how awful it feels to be this big, I think I will do anything in my power to reach my "skinny clothes" goal.

The Big Reveal

This post is about a week late, but I want to record our amazing Gender Reveal cake. I found something like it on Pinterest, but our local bakery did a much better job, and it was definitely one of the best cakes I've ever tasted. I was so worried about all other aspects of the party that it never occurred to me to photograph the table where it was sitting on, so that's a bummer, but the gist of it was: "He"-colored Hershey bars on the left, "She"-colored Hershey bars on the right, and when it came down to cake cutting, everyone picked up their guess for a picture! That was simple and straightforward, so here's the picture!

Although most of my "Old Wives Tales" symptoms were skewed towards it being a girl, the great majority guessed it was a boy, and they were right! I was so happy that I could finally make the change from "it" to "he" when talking about my baby, and that I no longer had to be careful when talking about gender-specific subjects. You are very lovingly awaited, Emmett Beckham! 

The Prego Diaries, Week 10

Pregnancy symptoms are weird. I have been testing a theory for the past few weeks and have had such successful results that it has now moved past the "theory" stage and I have now dubbed it "Damaris' Law of Bitter Regurgitation". This is how it works: If I haven't eaten in over 6 hours, instead of feeling the usual hunger and empty stomach, I feel extremely nauseated, very uncomfortable heartburn, an acidic stomach, and burping for no apparent reason. I then proceed to have a nice meal, and instead of feeling even more sick, I get almost instantly better and the nausea goes away.
I'm sure there's a very rational medical condition that causes this, but I don't feel like googling it and having WebMD tell me that I have esophagus cancer or something like that. So note to self: don't go hungry or else you'll puke stomach acid.

Alright, so on to other things....

• I am still craving Granny Smith apples, I eat one every day. 
• Meat is very hit and miss... sometimes I can stomach it, but it's mostly just gross, especially bland meat like chicken breast. Yuck. I only eat it when I can have other things to mix up the flavor... or in sandwiches because I love sandwiches. 
• New craving of the week: Roman noodles. I ate two cups of Roman (on two separate days) this week and I feel extremely guilty because they have no nutritional value. Luckily I only allowed myself to purchase 2 while grocery shopping, so I cut myself off already.
• I want spicy foods all the time, hence the Roman. Things that used to give me heartburn no longer give me heartburn (maybe we can blame this on the 1/2 Mexican baby haha).
• Energy levels are returning. I still sleep a lot, but I also feel jumpy and awake and I am always fidgeting during the day, so that's great! 

And onto a MAJOR complaint...

• breaghladkfaoigaosdkjf!!!!!!!! It's the end of the week and I'm sick and tired of being so sick and tired. NOTHING seems to appease this stomach. Everything I eat either makes me puke or makes me feel like there's a ball of yuckage stuck in my throat ready to come out. All I have to do is look at a toilet and *BARF*, half-digested food comes out. 
• And this is no commonplace morning sickness, no way. I actually feel great in the mornings because there's nothing in my stomach fighting it's way out. It's when I eat my first meal that everything goes downhill. I sure hope that my esophagus has some lining remaining after all of this is over, and it hasn't been completely consumed by stomach acid.

And onto baby things...

• During week 9 baby is officially a fetus (not an embryo), so yay her! 
• By week 10, she has working arm and leg joints and her vital organs are fully developed! Wow!
• She's also growing fingernails. Fingernails!!!
• Also, she can swallow and kick.... even though she's barely over an inch long. 

The Prego Diaries: Week.... 9?

I had my first ultrasound this Wednesday and I was told that baby is almost a week older than I thought she was! I was sure I was at 8 weeks, but according to the size, I'm at 8 weeks 6 days! (Nine weeks today, that I'm writing this post).

I cannot say that I particularly enjoyed the whole "first prenatal visit" thing, but seeing my baby for the first time sure made up for all the other discomfort. I got to see her size (2.42 cm) and see a tiny fluttering that was her heart. She even wiggled forward a little bit, at which point I exclaimed "look! she's moving!" and teared up a little bit, causing the nurse to give me a look that said only too clearly how much she wanted to roll her eyes. 

So prenatal visits... can't say I'm a big fan. We showed up at 9:30 am and didn't leave until 1 pm. I only had an apple for breakfast, so by around 11 am I was in the "hungry pregnant girl" stage of impatience and by the time we left I was like gremlin angry for food. Pair that with a urine test, a vaginal ultrasound, a pap smear, blood work, a breast examination, and a bimanual internal exam to measure the size of my uterus and pelvis and a grumpy, super childish husband that wouldn't stop complaining... ugh. I think I'd much rather go by myself next time. Needless to say I was pretty tired of getting stuff shoved into me, being poked and prodded, and having Phil complaining about HIS discomfort at having to sit and wait while chewing on Skittles and drinking Dr.Pepper. 

Luckily I do have a wonderful doctor... not only is she nice and understanding, but she's also a church member in my ward, so I see her every Sunday and she's always only a text away. Seeing my baby's heartbeat and talking to Dr. Nowitzky were definitely the silver linings of the appointment.

The Prego Diaries: Week 7 Shenanigans

I am sooo looking forward to next week's doctors appointment and see if she can recommend any new prenatal vitamins that don't make my stomach (and esophagus) so irritated and uncomfortable. I realized that I don't actually have "morning sickness", I just get sick when I take the vitamins and I'm ready for it to stop. They have the same effect if I take them with or without food, and at any time of the day. I keep having to tell myself that they are good for baby even if they feel bad for me. I did learn a lesson though: if I want to get any sleep, do not take the vitamins before going to bed, it will not be fun.

So week 7 stuff! This week baby is the size of a blueberry, just 1/2 inch in size. She's doubled in size since last week and will continue to do so for a while! She's generating 100 brain cells per minute, developing kidneys, growing arm and leg joints, and growing a more complex heart. Wow!
Here are some updates:

• The crazy hormone stuff is toning down a lot; on good days I don't feel pregnant at all because I'm not as bloated anymore. 
• The annoying jabs of pain in my lower abdomen (round ligament pain) that were so common in weeks 4, 5 and 6 are almost nonexistent now.
• I have started eating meat or craving things that have meat in them... but the idea of ground beef is still absolutely disgusting. I feel like eating all the time and my favorite food for this week is Frosted Flakes with bananas. 
• I really have to watch what I eat, or else I'll swell up like a balloon. I need to cut my meals by about half of what I normally eat or else I won't feel good for hours afterwards, and also throw in several snacks here and there. 
• I feel like eating pickles, jolly ranchers, blow-pops, and granny smith apples all the time. Anything sour or with some tartness will do. 
• I dread wearing jeans. I guess I got used to comfortable yoga pants, loose shorts, and sweats... which is pretty much the only things that fit now. :(

The Prego Diaries: Week 6 Shenanigans

This is the week I'll start taking belly pictures... mainly because today I discovered that some of my pants don't fit! What is going on here!?! Baby is the size of a sweet pea this week, how am I so fat!??

Ugh, crazy hormones, ya'll suck.

Just so it's noted, a week ago this outfit fit perfectly, no yucky fat rolls and stuff. These are my volleyball clothes almost every Wednesday, and my yoga pants are never this tight. Also, Holy stretch marks, Batman! I'm starting to look like a tiger! This is happening way too soon for my liking.

{Haha if I stare at this picture too long I start laughing because it looks like I have no neck. Anyway...}

So some things that are happening this week:

• Meat is absolutely disgusting. All kinds and flavors, even chicken which usually makes up 80% of my diet is gross, I cannot stand even thinking about it. Phil thought he was being nice several mornings ago and brought me chorizo & egg in bed. I didn't want to be ungrateful, so I forced it down and then threw it all up when I was brushing my teeth. Chorizo puke on my toothbrush = major yuckage. 
• As previously mentioned, some of my snuggier pants aren't too happy with me these days, they feel so tight! I dread having to put them on and usually opt for my exercise/yoga pants instead. Looks like I'll have to start investing in some more of those.  
• It is now the middle of the week and I am glad to report that the extreme exhaustion is slowing down some, I now have energy to do "normal stuff" like washing dishes and folding laundry without passing out as soon as I touched the couch. 
• I am also very happy to report that I no longer feel like puking every morning because I may have found the culprit: my prenatal vitamins. They're a little too much for my sensitive stomach and make me feel quite queasy after I take them. With the baby's interest in mind, I will continue taking them until my first Dr. appointment, and maybe then she can recommend different ones. 

The Prego Diaries: Week 5 Shenanigans

So far I haven't had any terrible pregnancy symptoms, but this week gave birth to some odd food cravings and repulsions.

• Strange thing #1: Sometimes the thought of meat disgusts me. I'm 95% carnivore, so this is totally unexpected. For dinner one night I made chicken thighs and vegetables, loaded up my plate, and only ate the vegetables. Weird.  
• Strange thing #2: Baby carrots. I ate almost an entire bag of baby carrots in one sitting. 6:30pm found me sitting on the couch, watching Hulu, crunching away. Maybe I was channeling the Easter Bunny. 
• Strange thing #3: Around 9pm one night I found a lonely, old grapefruit at the back of my fridge. I ate it, and for some reason it tasted like the most heavenly grapefruit I have ever eaten. I keep wanting another one. 
• Strange thing #4: Sam told me she craved things like cucumbers and mangoes when she was pregnant. By 4pm I had to make a quick run to HEB and buy mangoes. I was drawn to the pre-cut section and purchased a little tub of them. They were the greenest, hardest, most unripe mangoes I have ever eaten, and they were delicious and I gobbled them up like they were my last meal. 
  

My body has started to whisper "change is coming" in some subtle (and not so subtle) ways:

• Subtle Change #1: I smell smells that don't exist. I have gagged several times while walking by the kitchen garbage can, even though it's empty and (presumably) odor-less. Phil thinks I'm crazy. 
• Subtle Change #2: I get winded a lot faster. For the past 3 years I have taken great pleasure in playing volleyball for 2 or 3 hours each Wednesday. I usually don't feel tired until the last 30 minutes or so... but now I start struggling after 2 games. I will really miss playing. 
• Not-so-subtle Change #3: Boobs. Argh. Boobs hurt. Always. And they're bigger. And won't quit hurting. I can no longer run up the stairs or drive quickly over speed bumps. This sucks. 

The Prego Diaries: How To Spill The Beans

I have been daydreaming/planning on my pregnancy announcement for years now... literally years. We can blame Pinterest for that. I had tons of Pins and ideas, but in the end we went with none of the above and came up with an easier, more novel way. At the kid's section of Barnes and Nobel! 

It is suggested that we wait until 12 weeks so that we know the baby is in the 'safe zone' and there's less chances for miscarriage, but Philip wanted to tell his parents a lot sooner [I'm not even 5 weeks here!] and I thought... heck why not? Great news are meant to be shared. 

We asked Autumn, Philip's sister, to meet us at the bookstore without giving her any details, and then we broke the news! She's one of the first to know (besides my mom, of course). I chose some baby books and Phil chose to go the funny route (because, come on. he has to.) and picked "pregnancy for dummies". 

Picture taking took all of 15 minutes; I was trying to look cute and he was trying to look dazed and confused. I think it worked, haha. I plan to post these on Facebook tomorrow after he tells his family over Easter dinner. I can't stop looking at these, Phil makes the best faces. So excited!

         

         

The Prego Diaries: The Greatest News

I peed on a stick
And 3 minutes later
I smiled :)

Finally! Some of you may say...
I took a home pregnancy test on Friday, March 27th, and here was the result:

Aka: Totally Preggers.

The Story: This pregnancy test was no shocker, it just confirmed what I already knew. I was already 5 days late when I took the test, and since my body has been like clockwork ever since I turned 13, I knew what was up. This is totally a planned baby. After late-day-2 I felt like I should buy a pregnancy test, but didn't want to take one so early, and also didn't want to run the risk of running into anybody at Target while holding that little pink box in my hands. (I'm a big one for secrets.) So I went and ordered it on Amazon instead; two-day shipping is awesome. I figured that would give Aunt Flo a last chance to show up and keep this as private as possible.
So Friday night came, I got home from work, made dinner, ate it on the couch watching TV, and finally got my butt up to go shower. And pee on a stick. Those 3 minutes I spent kneeling with my head against the counter waiting for red lines to appear were the longest ever!
But then... that happened. And my whole world changed forever.

I am pleasantly surprised at the lack of symptoms... so far there has been no nausea, vomiting, weird cravings, strong repulsion to odors, or tiredness. I totally hope it stays that way, fingers crossed! Hopefully I'm like my mom: she told me she had zero uncomfortable symptoms throughout the entire 9 months, lucky her. I'm only just starting week 4, so there's still a lot of things that can come my way. I will sit and count my lucky stars that everything is completely normal so far.