During the first two-ish months, I felt so sick, congested, tired, and nauseated all the time that I internally came close to hysterics and secretly wished I was not pregnant and didn't have to carry this baby for a whole 9 months. I actually hated any thought that had to do with babies, and truly felt like the worst person imaginable, like a monster who wouldn't love her baby.
Time has passed, and so have several symptoms, and now I am clearheaded enough to realize what was going on... it was all in my head. For several seemingly never-ending weeks I associated everything that had to do with my pregnancy with the feelings of sickness, nausea, and overall disgust at almost everything imaginable. My usually very logical brain got it's butt kicked by a storm of hormones and could only make one (most irrational) connection:
baby things = bad, sick feelings
Yeah, I thought I was going crazy. I sort of was, a little... it was just a psychological trigger. For weeks on end the sight of the toilet, the kitchen trash can, raw meat, and eggs triggered something which instantly made me throw up. We have a vanilla-scented Glade plug-in in our bathroom, and I associated bathroom with nausea so much that now the smell of vanilla also triggers nausea... crazy huh? So the reason I've been away from my blog is that reading the words "The Prego Diaries" also triggered that sick feeling! It doesn't so much any more, so I think I can safely return to my writing and venting without endangering my keyboard with violent vomiting... hopefully.
In conclusion, I am becoming more rational and less hormonal by the day, so I am assuring myself that I love this baby more than I can express, and that baby things DO NOT equal bad, sick feelings. That phase is almost over, thank goodness. Turns out I'm not a monster after all, I was just crazy.
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