The Woes of Psychological Triggers

So I've been a little more absent from blog writing than I meant to be, especially with my goal of keeping a pregnancy journal and all. I am almost at the end of my first trimester, and several of my worst symptoms are becoming less uncomfortable as the days go on, therefore I can finally bring myself back to writing. Here's why:

During the first two-ish months, I felt so sick, congested, tired, and nauseated all the time that I internally came close to hysterics and secretly wished I was not pregnant and didn't have to carry this baby for a whole 9 months. I actually hated any thought that had to do with babies, and truly felt like the worst person imaginable, like a monster who wouldn't love her baby.
Time has passed, and so have several symptoms, and now I am clearheaded enough to realize what was going on... it was all in my head. For several seemingly never-ending weeks I associated everything that had to do with my pregnancy with the feelings of sickness, nausea, and overall disgust at almost everything imaginable. My usually very logical brain got it's butt kicked by a storm of hormones and could only make one (most irrational) connection:

baby things = bad, sick feelings

Yeah, I thought I was going crazy. I sort of was, a little... it was just a psychological trigger. For weeks on end the sight of the toilet, the kitchen trash can, raw meat, and eggs triggered something which instantly made me throw up. We have a vanilla-scented Glade plug-in in our bathroom, and I associated bathroom with nausea so much that now the smell of vanilla also triggers nausea... crazy huh? So the reason I've been away from my blog is that reading the words "The Prego Diaries" also triggered that sick feeling! It doesn't so much any more, so I think I can safely return to my writing and venting without endangering my keyboard with violent vomiting... hopefully. 

In conclusion, I am becoming more rational and less hormonal by the day, so I am assuring myself that I love this baby more than I can express, and that baby things DO NOT equal bad, sick feelings. That phase is almost over, thank goodness. Turns out I'm not a monster after all, I was just crazy. 

The Prego Diaries, Week 10

Pregnancy symptoms are weird. I have been testing a theory for the past few weeks and have had such successful results that it has now moved past the "theory" stage and I have now dubbed it "Damaris' Law of Bitter Regurgitation". This is how it works: If I haven't eaten in over 6 hours, instead of feeling the usual hunger and empty stomach, I feel extremely nauseated, very uncomfortable heartburn, an acidic stomach, and burping for no apparent reason. I then proceed to have a nice meal, and instead of feeling even more sick, I get almost instantly better and the nausea goes away.
I'm sure there's a very rational medical condition that causes this, but I don't feel like googling it and having WebMD tell me that I have esophagus cancer or something like that. So note to self: don't go hungry or else you'll puke stomach acid.

Alright, so on to other things....

• I am still craving Granny Smith apples, I eat one every day. 
• Meat is very hit and miss... sometimes I can stomach it, but it's mostly just gross, especially bland meat like chicken breast. Yuck. I only eat it when I can have other things to mix up the flavor... or in sandwiches because I love sandwiches. 
• New craving of the week: Roman noodles. I ate two cups of Roman (on two separate days) this week and I feel extremely guilty because they have no nutritional value. Luckily I only allowed myself to purchase 2 while grocery shopping, so I cut myself off already.
• I want spicy foods all the time, hence the Roman. Things that used to give me heartburn no longer give me heartburn (maybe we can blame this on the 1/2 Mexican baby haha).
• Energy levels are returning. I still sleep a lot, but I also feel jumpy and awake and I am always fidgeting during the day, so that's great! 

And onto a MAJOR complaint...

• breaghladkfaoigaosdkjf!!!!!!!! It's the end of the week and I'm sick and tired of being so sick and tired. NOTHING seems to appease this stomach. Everything I eat either makes me puke or makes me feel like there's a ball of yuckage stuck in my throat ready to come out. All I have to do is look at a toilet and *BARF*, half-digested food comes out. 
• And this is no commonplace morning sickness, no way. I actually feel great in the mornings because there's nothing in my stomach fighting it's way out. It's when I eat my first meal that everything goes downhill. I sure hope that my esophagus has some lining remaining after all of this is over, and it hasn't been completely consumed by stomach acid.

And onto baby things...

• During week 9 baby is officially a fetus (not an embryo), so yay her! 
• By week 10, she has working arm and leg joints and her vital organs are fully developed! Wow!
• She's also growing fingernails. Fingernails!!!
• Also, she can swallow and kick.... even though she's barely over an inch long.