Above The Water

These days I'm really struggling to keep my head above the water. Or maybe my nose, because my neck is at times very much submerged.

I was raised by parents who placed a big importance on education. They were not the "tiger parents" who constantly pushed for better than my absolute best, but they did keep a close watch every report card and questioned me for anything lower than a 90. When High School came along, they melted into the background and pretty much let me handle my school work because I expected a lot better from myself than they did.
In HS, every point made a difference. All that mattered to me was how high my GPA could get, because graduating in the top 5% of my class was the driving force and ultimate motivation.
[There are unresolved psychological issues at play here, all I cared about was "walking the line" first during graduation and avoiding the alphabetical order issue which had plagued me my entire life because my last name started with the letter Z. Anyway, it did the trick. I was #16 in a class of 500.]

So I just wanted to mention and let it be clear that I am of slightly above-average intelligence, and that the "ok" grades have and always will be A's.
Given this information, please digest the following:
At this point in my educational career, I would be happy with C's. 
Learning is pretty tough at the moment. I am struggling to keep my head above the water. I have a persistent, internal, disapproving frown directed at myself because I can't seem to do better, and combined with other "life" factors [aka P being gone all the time] I have caught myself thinking pretty depressive thoughts.
One random day not very long ago, during one of my "sad because life+school=sucks" moments, I received a phone call from my dad.
[Priesthood power and revelation is a seriously wonderful thing]
We talked for a maximum of 3 minutes, but he sure knew what to say. He doesn't know that I am having my "moments", all I said was "school? well... school is a lot harder than I thought it would be". His response? "Keep your spirits up. Not anyone achieves this."  (Animo hija, esto no cualquiera lo logra)

Thanks, dad. I have been repeating those words on a daily basis, and they truly are helping.
I am nowhere near close to a Master's degree yet... but I know that day will come with enough persistence and determination. And it's true, not everyone achieves it.

A son's first hero, a daughter's first love

This past weekend I drove down to the RGV (Rio Grande Valley) to visit my parents. Even though I do this on a monthly basis, the road just doesn't get any shorter. I've grown used to sitting for a 3-hour stretch without a problem, but driving with nothing but the monotony of tires on the road (there's no radio stations out in the middle of nowhere) somehow exhausts me.
The primary purpose of visiting home was to empty out my old bedroom which somehow still has a ton of stuff even though I swore I moved out everything I needed 2 years ago when I came to Corpus Christi. There are more than several keepsakes in there that I can't part with, and although I disapprove of hoarding, I'm still planning on bringing my 300-ish books, a select amount of stuffed animals, and some photo albums and journals.
As I got ready to pack up on Sunday afternoon for my lame drive back to CC, I walked into my room and was hit with a pang of homesickness so desperate I didn't even want to go put my toothbrush away. My dad was looking in through the doorway and I have a thing for not showing much emotion around him, so I stood in the middle of my room and acted like an explosion of memories was not going on inside my head. My dad said how he needed that room to be empty for such and such thing (probably a man-cave, but in my desperation I didn't hear him) and I immediately started blabbing out plans for what to pack first and bring last and what could be thrown away. He interrupted me by walking in and giving me a hug. He said he was just kidding and that no matter how old I grew I'd always be his little girl, and that my bedroom would always be my bedroom. I really needed to hear that more than anything else, given that I've spent about 2 hours each of the past 3 Sundays bawling away in our bedroom because I miss my family, while my not-so-tactful husband kind of sits there and tells me how great it is to have the rest of our post-church Sunday to do nothing.
So after all was said and done, I ended my stay with leaving behind more personal belongings in there
than when I started. I'm sure I'll get around to hauling off everything eventually, but it's nice to know it can stay and collect dust for as long as it needs to. In retrospect, I think my dad and I have a mutualistic relationship... Sunday also happened to be the day when Chris completed his mission papers and now all he has to do is meet with the Stake President and it's all done. With Chris gone for two years and me off in Corpus with my new hubby, things are looking quite lonely for my parents. I'm positive my homesickness will not be cured any time soon (I'm always surrounded by white people and really need my culture) so I don't see myself staying away from home for longer than a month at a time. I look forward to the next time I get to visit and get a taste of mom's outstanding home-cooked food and another taste of Mexico.