Goodbye Again

It's been almost 12 months of P working away from us, from home, and although the monthly goodbyes have gotten smoother, they have not gotten easier. A thought crossed my mind as I walked him out to his truck today, carrying his work boots.

It's like when you get a cold and your nose is all stuffy, and you have to breathe through your mouth at night to get some sleep, and it takes FOREVER to fall asleep because your body is like "Wait, that's not right, that's not how it goes. This is not the normal, perfectly measured amount of air we normally intake as we sleep, and I don't like it so I'm going to stay awake until it gets fixed."
Technically, everything is fine with your body. You're not dying. You're not asphixiating. Respiration goes as normal. The only difference is that your nose is clogged up and booger-y, so your mouth is open and drooly and your throat gets dry from the constant inhaling and exhaling. But thats NOT how it's supposed to go, dammit. Then you think about how ungrateful you've been every night of your life for never thanking your nose for supplying you with perfect amount of air to fall asleep to.

When P is home, I can finally use my nose again. We fall into completeness, and we get to living. And the days pass by so damn fast that I forget to be grateful that both mouth and nose are available to breathe.

And then the weekend is over, and it's time to say goodbye again, and time to settle down and re-learn how to live without a nose. Life goes on pause, existing but not truly living. Of course, E makes it much livelier than it's been in the past, but he misses daddy too. One day, hopefully sooner than later, we will all live in the same zip code and it will be amazing.

Sincerely,
Perpetual Mouthbreather