Job Security

Today as I was casually perusing Pinterest and reducing PDF file sizes (both mind numbing exercises) Dale walked into the office and said "do whatever you gotta do to become a Notary Public by today." 

My reflexive response to any of these kinds of things is an "ok sure" and then frantically Google "how tos" to see how challenging the task actually is. In this case... not so much. 

So I should get my "notary stuff" in 10 to 14 business days, if all goes well. Steve said it's a feeling of empowerment having a stamp that has your name on it. I ordered mine with purple ink, I hope they don't mind. Hmm... does this give me the potential to get paid for signing stuff? 

Office Talk

Today Steve and Dale were talking about how they finish a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting, and then asked if my husband did anything like that. I responded with "I think he's smart enough not to do that when I'm in the house." After thinking about it a few more seconds I said "well, he'll do this thing where he'll finish an entire box of Cheez-Its in one sitting and won't leave any for me."
Both Steve and Dale chuckled with familiarity, and then they went off on how great Cheez-Its are. Here are a few quotes:

• "Walmart has the two pound package, that's where I buy em. HEB only has the one pound."
• "I used to end up with a pile of crumbs on my chest from eating a whole box during a movie. Just took the vacuum hose and sucked them all off before standing up."
• "And Cheez-Its are great, you get all your basic food groups! You get the cheese, you get the "its"..."
• "... you get the red, you get the yellow, you get the crunchy.... that's all you really need."

Oh men. I was warned that in 30 years I'd come home to my husband eating out of the tub of ice cream sitting in his underwear watching TV. Is it bad that I can already picture this? 

Double the Fun

Today's little delight: a basket of chocolates was being passed around during church today. Although I wanted to take two, I knew I should only have one. I reached for a Snickers and was pleasantly surprised to see the packaging was glued to a second snickers bar. It was fate. I was meant to have two chocolate bars today. Nom nom nom. 

100 Awesome Things

So to counteract my "100 Annoying Things" and because I have yet another day of nothing important to do at work (curse this government) here are 100 things that kinda just make your day sometimes. Maybe it's the optimist in me, but this list was much easier than the other one.

1. Thinking of a good movie you want to see and finding it's playing on TV when you get home
2. Waking up to rain
3. Holding a purring cat
4. Opening a new box of crayons
5. The most perfect nacho off the pile
6. Listening to cicadas at night
7. Hugging towels that just came out of the drier
8. Chewing crushed ice on a hot day
9. Finding leftover chinese in the fridge in the morning 
10. Standing on the seashore and letting your feet slowly sink into gooey, wet sand
11. Giving someone a perfect High 5
12. An upbeat song playing on the radio while you're driving fast
13. Pop Rocks
14. Playing "don't let the balloon touch the floor" 
15. When "turning it off and then turning it on again" actually works
16. Finding memes and ecards made just for you
17. Living with someone who doesn't mind killing bugs for you
18. Finding tupperware with tops that go with it
19. Putting your feet up at the movie theatre
20. Strategic trick-o-treating 
21. Getting your hair brushed
22. The other side of the pillow
23. Being friends with someone who's great at telling stories
24. Spur of the moment road trips
25. Contagious smiles
26. Singing, baking, and dancing at the same time
27. Turning on the christmas lights
28. Huge, fun families
29. Cutting stuff with very good scissors
30. Changing from skinny jeans into sweatpants
31. Hitting all the green lights in a row
32. Using a new tube of toothpaste
33. Being super good at a new game
34. Being the first person to use the shower
35. Getting quarters back in change
36. Looking for your birthday on next year's calendar
37. Writing in a brand new notebook 
38. Sneaking really good candy into the theatre
39. Reuniting with old friends like if time hadn't passed by
40. Getting the highest grade on a difficult exam
41. Sharing an enormous roll of bubble wrap with someone
42. Singing show tunes
43. Writing with a super good pen
44. Skinny days
45. A free drink or meal because the manager recognizes you as a regular
46. Visiting the house you grew up in
47. Stories about your parent's childhoods
48. The feeling of airplanes lifting off
49. The day you turn in your last assignment for class
50. Having your mom compliment something good you baked
51. Being so happy you've smiled for hours
52. Dimples
53. Water balloon fights
54. Driving next to a car with cute dogs in the passenger seat
55. Signing things out of boredom
56. Inside jokes
57. Blowing out candles
58. When you text someone out of the blue and they text you at the same time
59. Writing with a perfectly sharpened pencil
60. Completing awesome dreams without waking up and remembering them afterwards
61. Finding money in your winter clothing
62. Finding quarters at the bottom of the washer
63. Humming the Tetris song as you rearrange your pantry or dishwasher
64. Watching cats do dumb, ungraceful things
65. Coming up with the perfect name for a pet
66. Smells that remind you of home
67. Picking up 10 things around the house before the commercials finish
68. Sandwich platters
69. Thunderstorms
70. Playing in the rain
71. Having a full battery when the lights go out
72. Peeling grapefruits
73. Walking into a building behind someone and not having to hold the door open
74. Petting a furry dog with your feet
75. Going through the carwash
76. Clean, cool, crisp air
77. The smell of cookies baking
78. When you laugh in your sleep and wake yourself up
79. The quiet, peaceful atmosphere of a library or bookstore
80. Wearing super big t-shirts around the house
81. When someone brings you back a souvenir
82. Remembering all the words to an old song
83. The Parking Lot Pull Through so you don't need to back out
84. Peeling the plastic off of new, expensive things 
85. Talking your way out of a ticket and bragging about it afterwards
86. Licking the cheeto dust off your fingers
87. Listening to really good piano music
88. Lazy Sundays
89. A fireworks show
90. Matching your underwear with your clothes, but nobody knows
91. Finding a cool new thing that you didn't know your cellphone could do
92. Mom's cooking
93. "Accidentally" spraying people with the hose as you wash your car
94. Dogs that really really like water
95. Spending 2 hours looking for the perfect birthday card
96. Getting something you ordered in the mail
97. Giving yourself a shampoo mohawk 
98. Super fast water slides
99. Theres always room for dessert
100. Spinning around in your office chair

100 Annoying Things

This post makes me sound like I'm angry at the world, but really I just feel like typing away while thinking creatively and listening to Pandora. The boss is gone, my office is empty, and all my work is finished. Let me happily click away at my keyboard until 5-o'clock comes around.

A bunch of bad things that happen to good people... 

1. Getting your back scratched, but the person doing it never finds the itchy spot 
2. Biting into nothing but lettuce in your Subway
3. When you're about to get out of the car and your favorite song finally comes on
4. Being asked "how was work?" for the millionth time and having to give a boring, bland response
5. Your paper towel not tearing off all the way on the perforated line
6. People asking you questions over dinner when all you want to do is chew and chew and chew
7. Forgetting to bring your new bottle of shampoo and conditioner into the shower with you
8. Realizing you didn't lock the front door after getting into bed
9. Waiting for that one extremely slow driver to pass before you can pull out into traffic
10. Having 3 socks loose their sole-mates after doing laundry
11. Getting hiccups right as you're about to fall asleep
12. Reading something in which the oxford comma is not used
13. The TV volume not being on an even number
14. Leaving the McDonalds drink in your cup holder overnight and coming back to a puddle of watered down Dr.Pepper when you try to throw it out. 
15. Perfectly quoting a movie at the right time and then nobody gets it
16. Finding shelves cleared of an item I had a coupon for
17. Food not heating evenly in the microwave
18. Drying my hands with damp towels
19. Getting licked by a dog who just drank out of the toilet
20. Mispronouncing a word because I was thinking of it in Spanish and now I sound stupid
21. Items falling into the black hole between the seat and center console in the car
22. The pain in your hands as you carry all your grocery bags up the stairs
23. Washing out old food in greasy tupperware containers
24. Finding a bird pooped on the car you washed 3 hours ago
25. Or worse: having a bird poop on the door handle of the car you washed 3 hours ago
26. Driving behind a person that can't decide where they're going
27. Your pen running out of ink during an intense note-taking session
28. Pouring a bowl of cereal and finding out there's no milk
29. The vending machine eating your last dollar
30. Forgetting to turn off the alarm for a Saturday morning
31. Having to talk on the phone after running up the stairs
32. Never finding your name on personalized key chains
33. Coming home and realizing you forgot to take out the smelly trash in the kitchen
34. Having "Lion King" hair days
35. Dumb cashiers that smash your bread while bagging the groceries
36. Someone biting into a Kit Kat without sharing
37. Getting asked "do you work here" when I try to fix things on shelves at Walmart, even when I'm wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie
38. Finding out that part of the outfit you planned to wear today is in the laundry
39. Being woken up during the best part of your dream
40. Finishing a good book and feeling empty inside
41. Not getting a compliment on the dinner you just spent 3 hours and half your grocery budget on
42. Having to reset the password because of 3 failed attempts
43. People talking on the phones in libraries
44. Paper cuts on my fingertips
45. Fighting with a new toy's packaging for 3 hours because I can't find a pair of scissors
46. Someone altering the seat and mirrors in my car
47. Finding toast crumbs in your butter
48. People who ask about every single item on the menu before ordering a #1 with a Coke
49. Having to explain the same thing 4 times because your husband won't pause the game. 
50. Sitting on a damp bench 
51. Someone talking an unattractive photo of you and posting it on Facebook 
52. The price tag leaving behind an ugly, sticky residue on a gift
53. Taking forever to find the perfect temperature in the shower
54. Burning my tongue at the beginning of a meal and not being able to taste anything afterwards. 
55. Hitting every red light because of that one car that cut in front of you
56. Stepping on something wet while wearing socks
57. Having to fill up on gas right after the price went up
58. Finding an awesome shirt on sale and not finding your size... like why you gotta play me like that? 
59. When you try to watch your favorite movie but none of your friends find it interesting
60. When you wake up in the middle of the night and one of your arms is asleep for no apparent reason. 
61. Finding nasty stuff under your fingernails
62. Discovering your t-shirt is inside out halfway throughout the day
63. Being the driver on a long road trip and having everybody in the car fall asleep
64. Driving into the sun and having no sunglasses 
65. Having a human giraffe sitting in front of you at the movie theatre
66. Getting a sunburn that leaves marks of what you wore
67. Receiving multiple responses from unknown phone numbers after being the recipient of a mass text
68. Having to get up out of an extremely comfortable couch
69. Stepping into an ant pile
70. Finding a hole in your favorite shirt
71. The day when your shoelaces don't want to stay in a knot
72. Sounds at the dentists office
73. Things getting in your eyes during a very windy day
74. Seeing someone take a sip of your drink thinking it's theirs
75. Finishing a puzzle only to find there are missing pieces
76. Forgetting there's stuff in the oven until it starts to smoke
77. Being really hungry and the food you're trying to eat is super hot and you burn your tongue with every bite
78. Waiting an entire week for the next episode to come out
79. Spammers on Craigslist
80. Picking the slowest line at the grocery store and watching all the other lines move faster
81. People who complain about being fat but are obviously the skinniest person in the group
82. Parents who swear at their children
83. Finding thirteen half-finished water bottles in your kitchen
84. Dealing with people that think they're above the rules
85. Getting asked when you plan to have kids
86. Tiny dogs that bark excessively
87. People whose emotions are all based on how well their team is doing
88. Having to reset all the clocks in the house
89. When an idiot says "literally" but they're supposed to use "figuratively" instead
90. Hearing the word "like" 5 times per sentence
91. Plucking my eyebrows. It's so painful. 
92. Always messing up the first pancake  
93. Wanting to sneeze but not being able to
94. Getting slapped because someone was trying to kill a mosquito on you and missed
95. Mistakenly using the conditioner before the shampoo
96. Hitting your shin on the ball mount hitch of a truck
97. Stubbing your toe in the dark
98. Chapped lips and no chapstick
99. Game requests on Facebook. Seriously, nobody cares about you Farm. 
100. Missing a step going down the staircase

President Pickles

I work at an Innovation Center where people with new and innovative businesses ideas can join and get help with pretty much anything they need to get their companies started. We partner with the University and pretty much use grad students to do all the leg-work (this is how I found my job). Our company has officially "Graduated" from this program and now we have to move out of the building before the end of the year, so we've been frantically trying to find a new location.
Today while Johnette and I were focused on our jobs trying to get things done, Dale walked in with a very important announcement. He said "I have some news that will benefit You and You (pointing at each of us). As of September 1, 2013 it is officially legal to sell up to $50,000 worth of pickles (this is the part where we stopped taking him seriously and looked back at our computer screens) out of a house or garage and not have to pay taxes on them. This is a "new and innovative" idea that can help us stay another 3 years in this building if we want to."
This proclamation was followed with general laughter and then a quick dismissal. This is the most common reaction we all have to the Dale's news of the day. I have to say... if he was serious about selling his homemade pickles I'd totally be down for it, they're awesome. But as for now, I must focus on finding this company a new place to live before we're evicted :(

Venom Joins Our Family

 

So everyone knows I've been wanting a dog for years now, right? And apartment living makes things a little trickier. I had sort of put the "I want a puppy" thing on the back burner until we got a house, but this huge little guy joined our family last night. Family friends (Bolsters) had a litter of black labs and he was the last one to find a new home. I first held him when he was about a month old, but since I also held all his siblings I have no idea which of them he was, and I had no idea I would be bringing him home so much later.
He's at Phil's parents for the moment... while we puppy proof our place. He is only 15 weeks old here and already much larger than Bandit and Ice Dog.
 Last night I was subject to the Wyeth Tradition of Pet Naming, which is an official 30-minute meeting where family members get to suggest and elect the right name. Here is a list of all the ones we came up with, the highlighted ones are my suggestions:

Duke

Diesel

Tzar

Vader

Galaxy

Trojan

Loki

Thor

Smash

Taber

Oakley

Ray Ban

Bane

Venom

Carnage

Black Jack

Bullet

Texas

Shadow

Thunder

Mosby

Black Pearl

Goofy

Wait-for-it

After two rounds of voting and eliminating our least favorites, we ended with the top contenders of Diesel, Vader, Loki, Oakley, Venom, and Mosby. I think I'm awesome at names, and as you can tell... the top 6 were all my suggestions. After another round of votes the top two were Vader and Venom. I didn't know which one to go with, but Venom won hands down in the end (5 out of 5 votes). 

He is just the cutest dog! He walks perfectly on the leash, naturally knows how to retrieve things I throw, is potty trained, and got the hang of the "Sit" command within 2 minutes. I plan to register him as a Comfort Dog, which gives him the same privileges as working dogs and can therefore be taken anywhere (stores, airplanes, etc.). Let's see what new adventures this huge puppy brings to our lives.